Marriage symbolism: Part 2 - Ukuthela umakoti ngenyongo

As having mentioned before. I’m getting closer to thirty. Thinking more seriously about the kind of man I want to entertain, the kind of characteristics I believe he should have in order for him to complement me, which later spiralled into what kind of a wedding I would like, and finally the marriage I would like (the day after). Hence the topic.

In African customary weddings the order goes as follows:

Uyacelwa,

Uyalotsholwa,

Kunomembeso,

Umbondo, and

Umabo.

I am of the strongest conviction that these steps should all be practiced, in order to fully understand the spiritual impact and the reasons behind such practices. In turn, connect you and your partner, your families, your partner into your family and vice versa. It should not be a half and half. You pick what part of the African customary weddings you like then do the same for the Western weddings. I am of the opinion, that such a decision, when it comes to binding two souls into one soul, will cause a butterfly effect to the inner community (families) and spiritual community (ancestors). (This would depend if you and your partner are equally yolked on the values and belief you share).

I would like to open a small window into the spiritual ties that come with African customary weddings (and religious weddings, which will be the topic next week), with the example of umabo.

Umabo is basically the day the bride is going to enter the gates of the groom’s home, which will be her new home/family.

On the day of umabo, the father of the bride, takes the bride to the familial kraal to announce to their ancestors that their granddaughter has now entered a new chapter in her womanhood and is leaving the current kraal to be moved into the groom’s kraal (home).

She leaves her homestead, traveling with family members that chauffeur her to her new home. In the midst of this celebration, there is also sadness. Better yet, a mourning for the loss of a child through the symbolism of a kiest/hope chest and her mother not accompanying her, to her in laws. The kiest/hope chest symbolisms til death do us apart. It is basically your coffin. This means that the only time you will leave your husband and your, in laws is when you are parted by death.

(it’s quite bittersweet, I must say)

Fast forward to the gate of the brides in laws. She is meant to enter the gates with a goat, dressed in the attire that her in laws had bought for her. The new clothes are a gift to their new daughter in law, and the goat will be used in a ceremony to welcome and introduce her to the grooms’ ancestors.

Once she has entered the yard of her in laws, she is taken to umsamo (home of the ancestors) in order for the oldest male of the family, of the groom, to pour the goats bile onto certain parts of her body. This is symbolism of an introduction between the new daughter in law and her in laws ancestors. They (ancestors) are being made to know that they have inherited a daughter through customary marriage. This marks that the ancestors have found a new home with her, because in essence, each person is their own msamo (your body is a temple).

This brings a greater responsibility to the newly married couple because, they both need to love, treat well and respect each other as they are no longer walking alone but walking together as one ( not only with each other but, with the community that helped make this day happen). So, if they wrong each other, they are not only doing wrong onto themselves but onto the ancestors (and family).

Speaking as a woman, what I searched for is more about the role of the bind. Once the bile has been poured onto her, she literally is not (cannot) supposed to divorce her family because she has spiritually binded herself with her husband’s side of the family. Therefore, if things become rocky, she isn’t allowed to go back home because they no longer have a “daughter “. They ‘released’ her the day she became Mrs X (that is why, after the ceremony, she is not allowed to visit home in the following 3 months as it signifies the latter sentence). She can surely visit, but she cannot return home (in this sense I also mean divorce). If it is truly no longer unbearable, what they would do back in the old days, she or her family would build her a home outside from her in laws. That home though, will still be identified as the home of her in laws (example. She marries umuntu wakwaShezi. That house will still be umuzi wakwaShezi ngoba wagana kaShezi). The reason I say this is because her purpose is to “raise” or “expand” her husband’s or rather her husband’s forefather’s legacy, (aka uyovusa umuzi wakwaShezi).

(Lmao, the above sounds so much better in Zulu, not this English, but I want all my readers to be able to engage with the topic)

This topic is so DEEEEEEP, I wish I could go into more detail, but I also don’t want this to be a long read.

I do have a recording of my conversation with my friend that passed the knowledge onto me. So, if you would for me to somehow add it onto IG, subscribe and comment below. Please also follow me on IG @anonymoussoul39.

Have a blessed Sunday.